After more than a year and a half of planning, we're heading abroad to begin our new life as expats. This is how it happened.
She Said:
I can so clearly remember the discussion in 2006 in a café in Provence. Chad asked me if I could imagine living there. Yes, I said, I could live in some dreamy South of France town, on my 6-month-long honeymoon in Europe, with the man I love and no other responsibilities except laundry to answer to. No brainer. He persisted, but could I imagine living abroad, for real? Hmmm. And leave my family and friends? The comforts of home? How would I practice as a speech pathologist? We don’t even speak the language! Not sure I could…. I’m a hard-core realist, babe. That would never happen anyway…
So, that’s where the conversation started. A LOT has happened and changed since that day in 2006. Except for our love of travel, that has never changed. We’ve taken many trips since then and it’s even become a family joke during many of these trips, waiting for Chad to say, “I could see myself living here.” When Sebastian joined us in 2012, this "hard-fought angel" of ours did not stop us from traveling. In some ways, he changed the way we traveled; in many ways, he enhanced our travel experiences; and in most ways, he adopted the same love and curiosity that comes with seeing new places.
Then, Covid happened. Covid grounded us, like most, longer than we've ever been grounded before. So, what did we do instead? Bought a house in suburban Colorado and got a dog (Cody). We could not have tried any harder to create future barriers to traveling.
Fast forward to Spring Break 2022. Things are finally starting to open up and travel becomes a possibility again. Talk of living abroad has come up now and again, specifically around Chad's Youth Exchange weekends. Initially, per our usual, we looked for Spring Break travel options based on where our miles would take us. Chad has a gift for finding random places you never thought you’d want to see, like Georgia, for example (the country), which turned out to be an amazing place I never knew I wanted to see! So, based on airline miles and places we considered going, our first booking was to Singapore. We were incredibly excited about this destination and even got as far as to buy the Singapore guidebook. But, sadly, United canceled our flights with no possibility of rebooking in the timeframe we were afforded with work and school. We decided to shift gears and try and go somewhere we could potentially see ourselves living should we ever decide to live abroad. So, we investigated Malta. This looked promising for a minute or two and we even got as far as booking this one also. But, in the end, the airline once again canceled us sending us back to the drawing board.
So, what about Portugal says Chad? We have been there a few times already so I was initially opposed. I have a thing about not repeating places I’ve already been. There are so many places in the world I want to see. Life feels too short for reruns (this is solely MY opinion; I realize plenty of people find places they like and go back many times for that exact reason). But Sebastian had never been and there were plenty of areas in Portugal I still hadn’t seen. And our miles and dates aligned perfectly, so we booked it.
We spent our time exploring, still forced to wear masks in many of them, areas we’d already seen and many new parts we’d never been to before. We hopped on and off all forms of public transportation and walked neighborhood after neighborhood. Sebastian joined the locals and sang Fado at a local Portuguese restaurant and we enjoyed more Pastel de Nata than my stomach could handle. We all loved it there. It felt like a perfect mix of being close to the water (my happy place), immersed in a vibrant, up-and-coming city, and privy to some of the tastiest food and nicest people we’ve ever met traveling.
And so, upon our return, we started talking a lot more seriously about the possibility of moving abroad. Sebastian seemed to be driving the bus on the idea and that's when I really started to consider it a possibility. My first choice when the conversation got serious was Spain. I love Spain and really wanted a Spanish-speaking country. Chad wanted France. We weeded through the pros and cons of of all places, considered visa options and schools and it became evident rather quickly that Portugal would be the winner. And all of a sudden, I was all in.
So, where do you begin when the discussion gets real to live abroad? Lots and lots and lots of research. We looked at visas, schools, neighborhoods, cost of living, and a few thousand other things. What proved to be the most difficult, time-consuming, and expensive, you ask? Cody. Getting a 66-pound Australian Shepherd across the pond is NOT easy! But, he is part of our story and Sebastian's favorite furry friend in the world, so.... yeah, more on that later.
From Spring Break 2022 to Spring Break 2023, we researched all things Portugal. We interviewed about a dozen schools via Zoom, researched how to obtain visas, started looking at housing, etc. We looked at options for renting our house in Colorado, and I started wrapping my brain around leaving my job of 16 years. We started to tell our family. These were the first “real” moments for this hard-core realist. Little did I know I had hours and hours of these real moments still to come.
When we booked our Spring Break trip in 2023 to Portugal, we all knew it was a reconnaissance mission. We narrowed our search to the top three school choices and a handful of neighborhoods we thought we might want to live in. This trip, for me, was to look at Portugal through the eyes of someone who lived there. I looked through the aisles in grocery stores for foods we eat (and gluten-free options), we met with a vet for Cody, we walked SO MANY NEIGHBORHOODS looking for not only the right vibe and the right apartment but also patches of green grass Cody might consider taking a shit on aside from the cobblestone streets! We met up with old friends we met camping over a decade ago who are Portuguese and reunited as if we had always known each other. I ran along paths I pictured could be paths I lived nearby and might take each day. We met Pedro from Remax and looked at a few apartments we’d found online, and I quickly realized that taking a place, sight unseen would be really tricky once we got back. Idealista is a website for searching apartments in Portugal. After seeing a few apartments listed, I quickly likened this website to a dating app. Swiping right or left does not seem to be based on a realistic portrayal seen online.
Once back in CO, I knew things would be hard on a few fronts. First, we needed to confirm to the family that this was a reality. Second, I needed to give notice at my job. Third, we needed to determine details and meet the guidelines for making this happen by the Fall school semester of 2023.
Time to get down to business. First priority, apply for visas. Chad booked us flights to San Francisco as this needed to be done in person. The details and documents and signatures and notarizations and bank accounts and NIF numbers and… you get the idea, there was a LOT of details and paperwork. It all had to be present and accounted for and in the right order in the short span of a few weeks when we got an appointment in SF. In conjunction with applying to schools and finding renters and finding out how in the world to get a 66-pound, skittish dog to Portugal! This was an every single night project for us as a family. After school and work and all the things we had in between, we slowly chipped away at putting plans in place to make this happen.
Being unplanned and patient might not be my strongest attributes. There, I said it. We had everything we needed for our visa appointments in SF except one item: Sebastian’s NIF number. We were told we would have it when we needed it. Um, what does that mean? I emailed multiple times and followed up to no avail. Without it, we could not proceed with applying. Finally, about an hour before our scheduled appointment, we got it via email and the hotel could print it out for us. Phew! Trust the process, you’ll have it when you need it, they said…That would be my first of many lessons in learning to live in a culture different from the one I’ve known for 46 years. Instant grat is not a thing.
Side note re: SF, we had a super fun trip. I forgot how expensive SF was until I ordered a $20 omelet for breakfast and paid $9 to ride the trolly for 10 minutes with a destination to nowhere, but the city still has lots of charm and appeal. The tour of Alcatraz was fascinating and sea lion viewing at the peer was humorous yet serene. And Chad found gluten-free Chinese Food for me in Chinatown!
From Spring Break until now, I haven’t really taken stock of what has transpired. I look back now and cannot believe what we’ve learned, what we’ve accomplished, how we’ve dealt with so many unknowns, some crucial in all of this coming together (e.g., will the visas arrive before our scheduled flight?!) and I realize that most of it is so unlike me. Sebastian and I talked about our emotions surrounding it all, and I admitted to him that I feel them all. Am I nervous/anxious? You betcha. Am I excited? Yep, very. Am I sad to leave? Check. But, I’ve decided that feeling all the things is a big part of what I’m excited about. I’m excited to discover. Not only the country we’re moving to and possible places we might travel and experiences we might have, but also, and maybe most important, to discover parts of myself I’ve not yet met.
We’re not there yet. Thankfully, the visas have just arrived (19 days before our flight), the millions of details of getting Cody to Portugal seem to be close to ready (ish), Sebastian was accepted and is now enrolled in school, we have moved out and our house is rented, I have wrapped up 16 years at my work, and waaaaay too many duffels are packed up and ready to go.
I feel so grateful for my people during this process. My people that I cherish and will miss so much. My people that support me and I love to support right back. My people who have allowed us to couch surf and intrude on their space until we leave with open arms. My people that have chosen to support our happiness and adventure, selflessly, even though that means we won’t see each other for a minute. I love my people with all of my heart and I pray that they know just how much.
So now the hard part (or the easy part compared to the chaos that has been this past year). Saying goodbye, getting on the plane, starting the Book With No Words.
Oh, and we still need to find a place to live!
He Said:
This was always something I wanted to do, maybe more than anything else. Buy a one-way ticket to somewhere in the world, preferably in Europe. Settle in along a tree-lined street dotted with cafés. Drink coffee. Write fiction until you've been at the table long enough to start drinking beer or wine. Rinse. Repeat. And god forbid, whatever you do, don't rush it.
The only way this was ever going to happen was if the idea to attempt it was Alli's. Or, even more effective, Sebastian's.
Sebastian has been to a lot of places. He's on his second passport. He's also been raised around the culture of Rotary Youth Exchange, which brought him exposure to kids from around the world, inspiration from those who leave for places around the world, and a worldview that cultivates curiosity about other people and places. Sebastian also had a 4th-grade teacher with three children of her own, all of whom we sent to Taiwan as part of the exchange program. I told her, whatever you did with your kids in your home, you have full permission to do the same thing with my son in your classroom. Not even two months into the school year, he came home and said, "Daddy, can we move abroad for a year as a family?" Thank you, Ms. Appel. Those were the words I've been waiting for.
We made Sebastian a big part of the process. We made him help with the research. We listed out all the countries in Europe that were near the water and had visas designed for remote workers. The first choice was Malta, and we booked flights to vet it as an option during Sebastian's 4th-grade spring break. In the weeks leading up, we talked about the cities we wanted to see and the places we wanted to visit. We were excited! And then, with about two weeks to go, United canceled the flights.
The funny thing is that very day, on the way home from school, I decided to put on Portuguese fado music in the car. I told Seb a little bit about it, its history and its importance to Portugal, and we listened. He loved it, and I even made the comment that maybe we should give Portugal more consideration. When we looked at other options to replace Malta, the flights to and from Lisbon were perfect -- the right price, the right dates, all of it. It was almost like we had Amália Rodrigues as a travel agent.
When we got to Portugal, Seb and I were all in. We knew that week. We knew we wanted to be in beautiful Lisboa, so over the next six months, we wore Alli down. We grinded. We talked about all the signs -- and there were many -- that led us to Lisbon. And eventually, we were all on the same page, tossing aside our previous desires to be in Spain or Malta or France. We were all in for Portugal and had a new team to root for in the World Cup.
The application process was long and arduous. It was stressful. At times, we fought. At times, we cried. But the best things in life are always the ones that first require challenges. Nothing, and I mean nothing that has brought me top-tier joy in life has not also been coupled with intense pressure or stress or discipline or faith. Sometimes you just have to know it's going to get done, that it's going to work out.
So... when you submit an application for a visa to move to another country and then you rent out your house before those visas are approved -- and you actually MOVE OUT of your house before they're approved -- well, the stress is enormous. But then it all works out.